When the going gets tough...

The Buddy's Barbecue Race Against Cancer was last  weekend.  I'm six weeks into half-marathon training and figured it would be a good test.  The whole family did a 5K back in August that did not go as well as expected.  I blamed it on the heat, humidity and my cranky six year old race partner.  This time around it would be considerably cooler and the only Pemberton I'd have to worry about is me.  Completely different experience, right?

Wrong!  I did more running in this 5K than the last one, but walked over half of the distance.  And really questioned whether I am a race kind of girl.  I know all about the race advice to maintain your own pace and not worry about others passing you, but it was hard to hold on to that when the couple HOLDING HANDS strolled past me.  Yes I passed them later in the race, and that supports the "don't worry, maintain your pace" philosophy, but by that time I was just so ready to finish the darn thing that I didn't care.

It was like every single ugly voice that I've worked to silence for the past ten months had their say with every person that passed me.  (And that was A LOT of people!)  "Who do you think you are?"  "Look at the fat girl trying to run!"  "Ten months running and this is the best you can do?"  "Waste of time, waste of time, waste of time" chugging through my head like a train.  Even earbuds with my best power songs couldn't drown them out.  (Let me be really clear here, nobody that passed me actually said anything to me, the Buddy's race is a very positive environment and a fun race to do.  Those voices were all in my head.)

I don't feel like this on my solo runs.  Often a fellow runner gives me a thumbs up or "great job!" as I plod along. So obviously I came to the conclusion that I'm just not cut out to run races, that I 'll just run for myself.  The thought of running the happy fun Disney Princess Half Marathon in a tiara and tutu while those negative voices have their way with my mind is a pretty miserable picture.

But here's the interesting thing:  even with the walking and the voices and the unhappiness, I went a lot faster than I normally do on my solo runs.  My fastest 5K time ever.  And even though I was miserable and prepared to give up racing, I skipped a shortcut several other people took. 

So I'm going to keep training and planning on running the Princess Half Marathon because I'm pretty sure I'll talk myself out of running if I don't still have it as a goal.  But I'm also telling myself that I as long as I continue training, I can opt out.  It’s enough to keep me going for now.

Doing all the things, like hula hooping, pumpkin carving and Christmas light application...

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  - Philippians 4:13

This is a go-to verse for me, as I’m sure it is for many of you.  This verse has seen me through graduate school, doctor’s appointments and medical procedures, singing a duet with my sister-in-law at a funeral and times at home when Bart has been on business trips.  But I’ve realized that I tend to use this verse as a superhero costume, pulling it on when times are tough.  (And how many of us have done the following exercise:  I can do all things…, I CAN do all things…, I can DO all things…, I can do ALL things…, I can do all THINGS…?)

But I started thinking about this a little bit more recently.  (This may seem odd, but stick with me.)  To celebrate the fiftieth day of school last week the first graders had a “50’s” day where the girls dressed in poodle skirts and the boys slicked their hair back.  They also had a hula hoop contest to see who could keep the hoop spinning the longest.  Will was REALLY upset that he didn’t do well and I was REALLLY baffled about why he was so upset.  He’s good at a lot of other things, why was it so important to be good at the hula hoop?  We don’t even own a hula hoop!

At the same time, I was fighting a virus or something that knocked me on my butt for a few days.  I barely had the energy to get out of bed, so my version of running was out of the question.  I missed two long runs and was very disappointed in myself.  Because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  My thought process went like this:  Well, Elizabeth, you could get out of bed and run if you were stronger in your faith.  Your smaller than mustard seed faith obviously isn’t enough to move this mountain.  I even thought about abandoning the half-marathon effort.  Clues to why Will was so upset about the hula hoop contest started falling into place.

Philippians 4:13 isn’t like Superman’s Cape, we can’t just can’t pull it out, shake it off and use it as (someone else brilliantly called it) a “spiritual steroid” to accomplish a difficult task.  It is so much bigger than that.  We can’t claim that verse and pick up a hula hoop for the first time expecting to win a contest, just like we can’t claim that verse and run five miles with a fever.  But we can survive and thrive in whatever comes our way through this life.

So many of the studies mention that you really do have to look back a couple of verses to fully understand what Paul is saying.  In verses 11 and 12 he says,

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I can endure all things via my attitude, not my aptitude.

And even though we may truly believe that “we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us”, we don’t actually have to do ALL the  things.  I’ve spent a lot of mental energy on my inability to carve a pumpkin or place lights on a Christmas tree so that you can’t see the wires.  And in my weird little head I  tell myself that I should be able to do those intricate pumpkin carvings through Jesus, or that if I only trust in him I’ll be able to wrap the Christmas light strands so that you only see the bulbs.  (God answered a prayer for me, calling me on this ridiculous obsession, when someone developed the pre-lit Christmas tree.  Also, if you are good at pumpkin carving and Christmas light cord hiding then please know that I am really and truly are happy for you, and still a little bit jealous.)